Choosing a Reception Site

This is a big decision! Where to go.....hmm. If you go back to your list of what is most important to you, where did you rank your venue? If the style of the venue is exceptionally important to you, take some time together to clarify what that means.... is it about color scheme, overall appearance, cleanliness, location? Communicating all of your expectations will help you understand each other.

Moms and daughters - this could be a sticky situation.... if the bride has dreamed of a simple wedding on the beach, with flip flops and a bonfire... and Mom wants a country club wedding, you both might need to compromise a little bit. You'll find throughout my blog that I'm usually pretty pro-bride meaning I think the bride and groom's vision is what everyone should keep in mind (although you need to balance that with budget!). I would have done my own wedding over again if I could....I just didn't want to make Sarah's wedding my wedding!

There are pro's and con's to every type of venue that is available - here are a few in order of cost.

Home - Indoor: (I need to stress indoor here, not outdoor tented). If you have a home which will hold the number of guests that you are anticipating, then by all means your least expensive option will be this one. You can make the food yourself or have it catered. The pro's here are cost and your ability to do whatever you want with regard to food, alcohol and timing of the event. The con is that it can be most stressful on the hosts and you will usually be limited in the number of guests you will invite.

Public Park: Often times brides and grooms have a special park where they met or spent a lot of time at. There are many outdoor park pavilions that you can rent very inexpensively. You can usually bring in the food yourself or have it catered. This is a very casual option and works well if you're going for an informal, relaxed reception. You will also want to consider a tent in the event of bad weather (make sure you check with the park manager and get the tenting requirements). You may also need to either rent tables and chairs, or deal with the picnic tables typically provided. The pro's in this choice are flexibility with catering options and cost. The con's are weather issues and the inherent casual nature (not necessarily a con for many couples). I've seen this done very well, so if this is your style, go for it!

Budget Venue (community center, town hall, vfw): There is a wide range of options in this category. The newer community centers have come a long way in their ability to host a beautiful wedding so they are worth looking at. Often times you will find either an open catering option or you'll select from a list of their approved vendors. Most have guidelines on the decor that they allow so you'll want to check into that. If the venue is attractive and neutral in decor, you're a step ahead. If it's color scheme is extremely obvious (red chairs, bold pictures, etc) then you may have a challenge ahead of you. You'll either need to cover things up, or choose their decor colors as your wedding palette. The pro's in this choice are usually lower cost; con's can be that it just doesn't fit into the look you're going after and it's more of a do-it-yourself venue. You basically rent the venue and then it's up to you from there. If you're a do-it-yourselfer, this option is a good one!

Outdoor tented at a private residence: Since we live on a beautiful 10-acre farm, this was a consideration for Sarah's wedding...but I have to admit, only for a short time. Tented receptions usually don't save money and require that you are extremely organized and can handle the pressures of weather issues. I'm not discouraging anyone here (although it does sound like it, doesn't it?) - if you've got great weather, tented receptions can be stunning! I do think you need to consider your personality - for us, it just didn't fit (yes, I can get a little high strung at times). My advice would be to work with an event rental company that is skilled at handling weddings. You should be able to meet with an event professional who can guide you through the process. In the end, you'll get what you pay for so deal with qualified companies only! The pro's with tented receptions are your ability to create exactly what you're looking for - lots of flexibility in decor and catering options are up to you. The cons are the weather and the amount of work required on your end ahead of time to make sure you've got everything you need.

Full Service Venues: This would include hotels, event centers,

country clubs or public venues such as museums, history centers, etc that offer event facilities. These tend to be the most expensive venues, but usually offer the highest level of service. If you are inclined to have someone else do things for you (this was our deciding factor) and you want to eliminate a lot of stress, this is the way to go. These venues will offer you an experienced event coordinator who will help you through the process. You will still need to find out exactly what they offer - there is a wide range in this category on what services they provide - but you usually get what you pay for. You will probably be tied into their catering, so choice is something that you'll give up. (Often times full-service facilities will offer you taste-testing appointments or an evening "tasting" event for all brides, grooms and their families, so you can choose your menu. This was a highlight for us and we all thoroughly enjoyed the experience.) You may also be limited in what you do yourself and what vendors you use for linens, ceiling draping or other decor services - just check with the event coordinator before making any decisions. The pro's here are that you will be less stressed about doing everything yourself, the venue presentation is typically superior and you'll enjoy your day more; the con's here are choice in catering and cost.

Well, are you feeling better or more confused? If you are a little overwhelmed, that's very common, so know that after you get a few decisions made, you'll feel more confident about the road ahead. Now it's time to go look at your options and then reconvene for the family conference about the final decision.

Selecting A Wedding Ceremony Site

Ceremony Site: One of the first decisions that you will need to make is the location for both the ceremony and reception. In the past few years, it has become quite common to hold both the ceremony and reception at the same venue. Many reception sites have wonderful spots to host a spectacular ceremony. We chose this option because the very large church we attend wasn't as condusive to an intimate ceremony as we wanted. Bearpath Golf & Country Club in Eden Prairie, Minnesota has a beautiful outdoor ceremony area with a white pergola, white chairs, sound system and experienced staff ready to assist with all aspects of the ceremony. The bridal party was given rooms in the clubhouse on the day of the wedding to get ready in and we chose to also have the grooms dinner there. This eliminated any transportation costs for a limousine on the day of the wedding and simplified everything from a planning standpoint.

In addition to your reception venue or place of worship, other options include public parks, museums or private residences. Wherever you choose to look, here are some questions to ask:

1. What are the timeframes that I will have access to the site?

2. Can I select my own vendors (party and tent rental companies) or do you require that I use a pre-selected vendor?

3. What are the restrictions on decorations? (rose petals, arbors)

4. If I choose to use a tent, can it be staked or must it be weighted? (Weighting may add to the cost of your tent rental).

5. Ask up-front to see a copy of the rental agreement.

6. If it is an outdoor site, what is their suggestion for a back-up plan in case of bad weather?

7. If chairs are being provided by the venue, it's a good idea to ask to see them. Are they clean and in good condition?

8. Your venue should be responsive to your questions, knowledgeable and empathetic to your "need to know". It's very important to have a good relationship with all of your vendors - including your venue.

9. What are the total costs involved - ie space rental, chair rental, gratuities, set-up charges.

10. If you are looking at a private residence..... well, that's another discussion. We'll talk about at-home weddings soon.

11. Finally, find out when upcoming ceremonies are being held and ask if you can stop by ahead of time to see the set-up. A few visits should give you an idea of how everything will look.

As you make your decision, don't stress about it because there are no perfect decisions - every choice will have pro's and con's. You may love the idea of an outdoor garden wedding, but with it comes a little stress about how the weather will cooperate. You'll be fine as long as you prepare a back-up plan and can handle the emotions involved if the ceremony needs to be moved inside.

If however, your plans seem logistically impossible, I would vote for caution. I remember one lakeside wedding where the bride wanted her father to row the "bridal boat" into the shore where she would gracefully arrive, walk down the dock and meet her "mate". Despite the dark clouds in the sky, she chose to stay with the dream.... which was a disaster. There was no back-up plan for the outdoor reception either. Just remember to always think things through.

If you have specific questions on a site you are considering, just send me your question and I'll do my best to offer some advice. We'll continue this discussion soon!

Time to Talk Budget

The dreaded budget. Although I was a seasoned event professional, I was still shocked at the total costs involved in our daughters wedding. If you feel overwhelmed, you are not alone. All of a sudden, you are combining families, traditions, faiths and expectations of what a dream wedding looks like (and what a dream wedding looks like within your budget!) My first piece of advice is to "get on the same page". As parents of the bride, tradition has you picking up most of the tab but that's not always the case. Times have changed and the new tradition is that it's up to everyone involved You will need to decide what you can afford and then take it from there. Get together with the bride and groom and his parents . . . open dialogue about what everyone can contribute is a great way to start. Your initial discussion should be "what is most important to us".

Moms - here is your opportunity to hear all about your daughters dreams. No doubt she has already scoured the bridal magazines, searched out wedding websites and has been swept away by the romantic ideas of the wedding of her dreams. This is a beautiful time for her, so avoid the initial reaction of "we can't afford that" or "don't be silly". Go ahead and dream with her for a while - it can be an enjoyable time that you'll remember for years to come. Mom's usually know their daughter better than anyone, so if you listen closely to what she's dreaming about, it will help you make some budgeting decisions along the way. You may notice throughout my blog that I am usually pro-bride. This is her day - something that I had to remind myself of often!

Daughters - here is your opportunity to spend some time sharing your dreams with your Mom. Have lunch together, show her the pictures you love, watch "Father of the Bride" together (with Dad too) - Mom's like to feel that they have a special role on the most important day of their daughters life. Ask about her own wedding day - what was it like, what would she do differently, what were her dreams? Look at your parents wedding pictures and let her remember all that was involved!

Ok, back to the budget - you've really got two areas to cover - one being the ceremony and reception costs and the other being personal items such as wedding dress and shoes, tuxedo rentals, hair, make-up, etc. We'll take this a step at a time and start with the ceremony and reception costs. Here's where we ranked the importance:

Venue (where the ceremony/reception will take place)

Decor (what guests see when they enter the reception)

Florals (we had high expectations)

Photography (had to be FABULOUS)

Food (more about that later!)

Music

Wedding Cake

Bar Service

Invitations & Programs

Favors (voted no on this one)

Your list may look quite different - you may decide that decor is not as important as having a 5-piece band, or maybe you'd rather hold the reception at a local community center that might give you less expensive catering options. If you're a "foodie" then out-of-this-world cuisine may top your list. There is no right or wrong answer - it all depends on what is important to you.

If you're a mother of the bride, your own wedding memories may trigger your response - for my wedding, we had a friend do the photography. Need I say more? Horrible pictures..... SO, enlisting the services of a true professional (ours was Kelly Brown Weddings in Minneapolis) was very valuable. In this case, photography was more important to my husband and I, so we had agreed to pay more than the bride and groom would have been satisfied with. Yes, I know that many people have had great success with using aspiring new photographers or friends.....it was just a chance that we didn't want to take.

A KEY DECISION: One of the largest determining factors in wedding costs is the guest count. You can do much more for 150 people than you can for 350, so keep that in mind!

One question I was constantly asked from previous clients was regarding the percentage allocation that is published on wedding websites, magazines and wedding books - is it a good tool? I would use it very cautiously - if wedding flowers are really important to you, the allocations used in cookie-cutter plans will either make you think that you are over or under-spending. Instead, I would suggest gathering a total over-all budget amount (you may have to revise this as you go along), then go back to the basics of listing (in order of importance) where you want to spend your money. In our case, since we spent a larger portion of our budget on a great photographer, the bride and groom chose to pay for the videographer on their own. You'll find that compromise is a great tool and a very good way for the new couple to start making their own decisions on finances.

Your venue and food is one of your largest budget considerations so next up is..... picking a venue and deciding on your style - they go hand-in-hand.